For the last few weeks, I have been thinking a lot about two things: bullies and quotes.
Good quotes have such a way of giving strength to words by using so few of them to make a point, and often, bullies use the same tactics. So as I ponder famous sayings to help me better understand the power of words, two quotes continue to rise to the top of the pile. Although both are well known, they are completely contradictory and I would like to know your thoughts on the subject.
Here are the quotes, merged into my thought –
If sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me…then how is the pen mightier than the sword? (First quote has various citations of origin, but the latter quote is by Bulwer-Lytton.)
I have to say that having been the recipient of very unkind words, I have never liked the first of those quotes, and while I try to let most things roll off my back, I have been searching my memory for words that have been mighty for me.
I have found them.
(Yes, I am going to talk about my students here – you must know this by now if you have read my other posts. I learned so much about life from those kiddos and I just wouldn’t be doing that knowledge justice if I didn’t pass it along for further thought.)
The story of the mighty words starts with a young girl, who was quite shy, in a room full of students who were the exact opposite. Example during my first week – I happened to call for a Tuesday folder from a student who had forgotten to turn it in, and was informed that it was forgotten as she hurled a chair across the room in anger. And she actually liked me. Yes, lots of stress and anger issues. Anyway, there were also several calm children in the room and one of them was named Stephanie. She was pleasant, always did what was asked of her and was kind when she spoke. Mostly, she visited with Kyla, another student in the room, who for some reason, everyone recognized how unbelievably nice she was and always treated her well. Stephanie, being more shy, was often lost in the shuffle.
I wish now that I had had more experience than a couple of weeks of teaching so that I could done more for her, but I will always remember what she did for me.
Believe it or not, for the first few weeks, classroom behavior actually had to take a backseat to lunchroom behavior. Whereas I required the occasional help from the principal and frequent help from my mentor, the lunch ladies often required help from officers. Yes, officers.
Needless to say, when the ladies put a colored card on the wall next to each teacher’s name monitoring progress to see who would win the popcorn party for good behavior, we always got the same color. We had so many red cards it looked like someone threw a can of paint on the wall.
In addition to the need for severe improvement, I felt horrible for the kids who had been good, so over the course the next few weeks, we tried many things. The effort that finally paid off, though, was to send only half the class to the cafeteria each day while the other half ate with me in the room, alternating groups each day. Over the time we spent together, we got to know each other (they were much better now that we had some personal connections), the calm, independent kids got to eat in peace, and the ones who struggled had a whole table to spread out at. By the end of the second month, the lunch ladies approached me with an idea. While we couldn’t win the party with all the extras, they wanted to invite us to the cafeteria after recess for just the popcorn to celebrate their progress. Yes!
The kids were ecstatic and with the stress of the past few months, we were all do for something positive. After recess, we (principal closely behind) entered the cafeteria and sat at our usual table, and much to my dismay, the noise level began to grow. There were some heated discussions about seating arrangements, now that the whole class was together again, the decisions of who should sit at the head of the table in order to get served first…aahh! My head started to spin with how quickly I could get us out of there. I placed them in seats of my choosing and decided to serve the popcorn to the quietest students first. That worked for maybe a minute – although things did stay calmer. Then, I see popcorn begin to fly – seriously, I couldn’t believe how quickly they were ruining their moment – and as I walk over to retrieve a few people’s plates, a little voice calls out to me. “Mrs. Buckner, she took my popcorn.”
Popcorn flying, voices rising, seats changing, mind spinning, the smallest problem in the room was that someone had someone else’s popcorn. (This is the part where I cringe because I can’t believe what I said next, but I must say it, because if I don’t, I may forget what happened, and I never want to make this mistake again.)
“It doesn’t matter, I’ll get you a new plate.” There. I said it. It doesn’t even matter that what I meant was that I didn’t want her to worry, I would get her whatever she wanted or needed because I knew she was being such a great kid amidst the chaos.
That’s when she turned to me and said, “But, it matters to me.”
When Stephanie said those words to me, my mind blocked out all other sounds and the cafeteria became suddenly silent with the wisdom and power that they spoke. The principal and I ended up with a few powerful words of our own for the people who needed to hear them, but after all that happened, I only remember her words.
Those are the mighty words I remember. They seem simple when said by themselves, but I think they say a lot for each and every one of us. When we think about hurtful things and bullies, we often think of the words that can make it better, help it make sense, or make it all go away. I think that is why I like quotes. When I was a teenager, I kept a binder of them and when things got rough, I would look through it and see if one fit what was going on. I usually ended up feeling better just rereading the bits wisdom.
So while this story is what made me think about powerful words today, there are many more out there. I would love to hear what quotes are important to you. Here are a few more of mine.
“It is alright to stand up for yourself, as long as you don’t stand on other people.”
– I got this out of a book and couldn’t find the title. I will update when I do.
“Listeners hear no good of themselves.”
– Proverb
“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.”
A.A. Milne
“What you are will show in what you do.”
Thomas Edison
“But, it matters to me.”
Stephanie
Happy writing!